Warning: Super long post ahead!
I'm writing this bitterly at 12:30am the morning I'm leaving New York City because I've been trying to sleep for the last 3 hours due to my 2:30 shuttle pick up, but alas my body hates me and is not allowing that to happen, so hooray for a crabby Saturday. In all honesty thought, I'm probably going to be crabby anyway as I'm leaving New York City and New York University.
Five months ago when I received this offer through the ACUHO-I process, I almost turned it down. Though it was the only offer I received, I was concerned about the short amount of hours and pay. After talking it out with some friends, I realized there was no way I could turn this offer down, and I'm so happy I didn't. This has truly been the experience of a lifetime, and I couldn't have asked for more. Everyone that I worked with this summer seemed so genuinely happy to be here and wanted to be serving students. Even the student staff seemed more mature and dedicated than what I was expecting, and they made it that much easier.
I won't lie and pretend the first few weeks here in terms of actual work were a little rocky and I was unsure of myself. This was due to a lot of different factors, but I wouldn't call the experience negative, rather it was an adjustment period of me not only adjusting to everything here, but also my transition back into housing after being away for a year. Even though it took me a few weeks to really find my place at work, I still couldn't help to be so happy with where I was and what I was doing. This was especially true whenever I learned about the actual residential education programs and other services within Student Affairs here at NYU. But even in my own building where I worked, being back working with students reignited something within me, a fire that had been barely going.
For any friends or close family that know me, it probably wouldn't be a surprise when I say that I had been struggling over the last 18 months or so prior to my arrival at NYU. My last semester in Residence Life at UWRF was not a positive one for multiple reasons. The grad school & job search process did not go the way I was expecting it to, and by the time I graduated in May 2010 my confidence in my abilities and sense of who I was had taken a severe beating. I felt like I had done everything and had worked my ass off for nothing. When I got the call a little over a week after I graduated that I had been offered an assistantship in the Alumni office at UCM I accepted immediately and was just thankful for the opportunity. The next two and half months I spent at home working and getting ready for the transition, but I think it was pretty obvious I was not happy that summer. For a lot of that summer I became complacent, and felt like I was just passing through life which is not like me at all. 2.5 weeks before I moved down to Missouri I got in the first car accident since I had gotten my license, with me at fault, and looking back now I think it was wake up call from someone up above that I really was lucky, and my focus began to renew.
In August when I actually moved down to Missouri I was very excited to start my position and was ready for the next chapter in my life. I thought it was time for a fresh start, a time for me to finally be independent, to begin anew, and in some senses this happened. Almost immediately I was thrilled with my classes, and though they sometimes dipped into that old feeling of "school" that we all hated going to (as is inevitable with any program) I always knew that I was absolutely making the right choice by going into Student Affairs. Unfortunately the same could not be said for my assistantship. Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot in the Alumni Office and am very thankful for everything, but there was always something missing, and again I wasn't happy. Looking back now it wasn't even that I wasn't in Res Life anymore; being off campus and in a "professional" work environment really pulled me down a lot more than I realized, it didn't fit. I think I knew within the first month last year that I would be applying for a Residence Hall Director position for this next year, but I never thought I would actually get it. In February when Alan called me with the offer, I think that was probably one of the happiest moments in my life. I knew I was on track to where I needed to be. The last 2 months of the semester were a struggle to get through, as I just felt "done" with my assistantship and the work load with classes was very intense.
This summer I feel has finally brought me back on track, to where I need to be with school, my career, and me. NYU has allowed me to see what is possible for an institution outside of the 2 similar midwestern schools I've been at, and those possibilities are amazing. Some of the programs and services offered within and outside of Residence Life here are truly remarkable, and I hope to use their ideas in the future. The support from the professional staff both directly and indirectly has been more than I ever could have hoped for, and the same can be said from my student staff. I've been kind of just pushing through the last couple weeks because I'm ready to start my next chapter, but pausing for a moment, I've been incredibly blessed this summer. I honestly hope to maintain many of the connections I've made here, and while the location of NYU makes me very uncertain about the feasibility of actually applying for a professional position here, it's awesome to know I made a positive impact during my ten weeks here and that I feel like I fit here.
I will of course also miss NYC. When people say there's no place like it, they really do mean it. I think I was very fortunate in my housing placement in Union Square in Manhattan. This was an incredible neighborhood to be around, and I love the culture. I won't lie, I'm happy to be going back to a place with more trees and grass and nature, but I am going to miss this indescribable melting pot of people and culture. Wherever I get a job next year, I know now that it need to be in close proximity to a city. It is going to be weird to go back to places like Walmart, only pay $6.50 for a movie (student discount!), not have public transportation, and most important to me not be able to go see a broadway show any time I want. But, the memories I have made here I know are going to stay with me for a long time. Having several friends come visit this summer was a blessing, and made the whole experience so much better than I'm sure it would have been had I been alone.
To every person that even the smallest impact on my experience this summer in whatever way, thank you. I have learned so much about myself, this field, and much much more. As I begin my next chapter I'm sure I will reflect more on my time here in NYC. Whether or not those reflections end up here I do not know, but for now I must thank you for reading this blog. I hope my ridiculous wordy-ness hasn't annoyed you and that you've been able to take something away from my experiences. In some way I'm sure your reading of this blog has helped me too. For now I will say goodbye. I have another blog at bkes216.blogspot.com that I haven't updated since January, but I will probably add to over the next year. Thanks again for reading and allowing me to process my thoughts. This chapter is closing, but I can't wait to start the next one.
-Brandon
Friday, July 22, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Take a Deep Breath...And Breathe Out...
I know I haven't posted in almost 3 weeks. It's really because to be honest, I haven't had a lot or the time to write a proper post. It has been an extremely intensive 3 weeks, and while they have been exhausting, they have also been incredibly educational for me as an upcoming hall director and student affairs professional. We've had the NYU orientation groups staying in our hall for the last few weeks for a night or two at a time, and each session seems to have its own set of personalities, and therefore, its own needs. The orientations have also been one of my primary responsibilities during my time here, so I took a lot of ownership over the whole process and making sure things ran smoothly, and for the part they did. I have to credit a lot of this to my summer staff workers, as they've been awesome. One of them today was actually poking fun at me for calling them "my staff", but it really isn't meant as a bad thing. I take a lot of pride in them in the work that they do, and I'm very thankful for all their knowledge about the building, NYU, and NYC since I'm not from here. Oh kids. Anyway, today the last 2 groups checked out (at the same time too!) which signaled not only the end of our busiest time, but the realization that I really only have two weeks left here and how short of time that actually is. As much as I want to ignore it and put that reality aside, I can't anymore. Its coming quick.
The thing is though, I think I'm ready...in a way. Bare with me, I have a lot of mixed feelings right now. The past couple weeks I've been really missing my cohort and the discussions and good times we have. We're all participating in an online discussion board for this "class", but that's mainly class/work related. I miss sharing our experiences and learning from each other through in-person discussion. I really didn't think I would miss them as much as I did. I'm also ready to start my work as a hall director. I say ready as in I'm mentally ready to go there, I still have work I feel I need to do for the actually position before I go back (though I don't really). I'm also scared out of my mind to start the position, but I think I'm more excited than scared about the position (at least I hope). However, I don't want to leave, so I've been trying to see if there's anyway I can physically transport UCM to New York City. So far I haven't been smart enough to invent a transporter, I'll let you know if I do. This city is awesome, and I don't really want to leave. I would however like to have a paycheck that will allow me to have spending money and not just pay bills...
Anyway, New York is awesome, and while I'm not sure anymore how well I would do actually living here for a more extended period of time than I am now, it has been an amazing experience. The past couple weeks I've really just been living day to day like I live here, and I've realized how much I miss being close to a city. It's made me realize I really can't wait to get out of Missouri. Warrensburg itself is fine, I just can't stand how far away it is from everything and Missouri politics outside of Warrensburg. I think what I'm trying to get to is that living in New York after being in Warrensburg has made me realize that during my job search next year I need to look for a position in close proximity to a major city like Minneapolis/St. Paul. River Falls was perfect, but I need some work experience first before I can get a job there (though that is one of my life goals to work back at UWRF). I think I've finally realized that it's ok to have needs when looking for a job and not to just "take what I can get" (though I may get desperate next spring).
On a different note, my friend Anna from my cohort came and visited last weekend and we had a bunch of fun! One of the things we did was go down to the World Trade Center/Ground Zero. My other friends who visited said there wasn't a good place to see anything there and that the construction zone was surrounded by barriers. This was true, but Anna and I found out you could go through the sky-walk of the World Financial Center across the street and we were able to see the whole site really well. I've been keeping track of the project for the past few years, and I knew for a few years progress on the new tower and memorial had been going slowly, but over the past couple years progress was going much quicker. 1 World Trade Center/Freedom Tower has really come a long way and is now at the 72nd floor in steel construction, and is actually visible from the top few floors of the building I work in. The building is cool, but I'm also really interested in the other buildings being built (there will be 4 buildings at the new WTC in total), as well as the memorial. The memorial will open for the first time this year on 9/11 for the 10th anniversary of the attacks, and from the World Financial Center we were able to see the site really well, and while there's still a long way to go in the next few months, it really a sight to see. For those who don't know anything about the memorial, The 2 "footprints" of the site have been turned into giant square waterfalls at ground level with panels around the edges with the names of those who were lost, and underneath the site is a more interactive memorial. There is also a museum being built that features some of the steel from the original towers. View more at http://www.panynj.gov/wtcprogress/index.html
Ever since we visited I've been in a very reflective mood about a lot of things. I'm sure 9/11/01 will be on all of our minds a lot over the next few months as we approach the 10th anniversary and remember those who were lost. I've really been reflecting on how much in my life has changed in ten years, and even in the last five since I first went off to college. This reflection has made me think about a lot of things, but what I come away with most is how grateful I am to be where I am, how thankful I am for every privilege that I've had over my lifetime, and how lucky I am to be where I'm at in my life. The past year and half or so I have frequently struggled with how and why certain things happen, but I'm at a really good place in my life right now, and I'm so incredibily thankful for that.
I've also thought a lot recently about where my life is going, and I think that's where a lot of my uncertainty comes in. I know I'm not supposed to worry about the future, but I'm genuinely concerned about getting a job next year once I graduate (hopefully before). What I need to realize is that what is meant to happen will happen and that life will work itself out. In my more immediate future, I have so many mixed feelings about the upcoming year. On one hand I'm so freaking excited to get started in my position as a RHD and to have a building and a staff. On the other I'm scared out of my friggin mind. I'm strangely excited to get back in the classroom and learn more about my profession, but I'm also nervous for this semester because while for some last semester was the hardest for them and their needs, I think this semester will be the hardest for me as I have classes that deal with law and governance and finance which all make me a little nervous. While I usually thrive under pressure, I am nervous that I'm going to get overwhelmed with my RHD position and classes, and not to mention the added pressure of the MoCPA conference I'm helping to plan, and the EPSA conference at UCM too. Good thing I have awesome people in my cohort to bring me back down to reality and keep my grounded and real this year. I'm sure it will all be ok, right!
I just realized I launched into Residence Life/Student Affairs lingo, so let me explain:
RHD = Residence Hall Director
MoCPA = Missouri College Personnel Association
EPSA = Exploring Your Path in Student Affairs
UCM = University of Central Missouri
UWRF = University of Wisconsin - River Falls
NYU = New York University
Ok that was a really long post about the things that go on in my head so I think I'm done for now. Until next time...
The thing is though, I think I'm ready...in a way. Bare with me, I have a lot of mixed feelings right now. The past couple weeks I've been really missing my cohort and the discussions and good times we have. We're all participating in an online discussion board for this "class", but that's mainly class/work related. I miss sharing our experiences and learning from each other through in-person discussion. I really didn't think I would miss them as much as I did. I'm also ready to start my work as a hall director. I say ready as in I'm mentally ready to go there, I still have work I feel I need to do for the actually position before I go back (though I don't really). I'm also scared out of my mind to start the position, but I think I'm more excited than scared about the position (at least I hope). However, I don't want to leave, so I've been trying to see if there's anyway I can physically transport UCM to New York City. So far I haven't been smart enough to invent a transporter, I'll let you know if I do. This city is awesome, and I don't really want to leave. I would however like to have a paycheck that will allow me to have spending money and not just pay bills...
Anyway, New York is awesome, and while I'm not sure anymore how well I would do actually living here for a more extended period of time than I am now, it has been an amazing experience. The past couple weeks I've really just been living day to day like I live here, and I've realized how much I miss being close to a city. It's made me realize I really can't wait to get out of Missouri. Warrensburg itself is fine, I just can't stand how far away it is from everything and Missouri politics outside of Warrensburg. I think what I'm trying to get to is that living in New York after being in Warrensburg has made me realize that during my job search next year I need to look for a position in close proximity to a major city like Minneapolis/St. Paul. River Falls was perfect, but I need some work experience first before I can get a job there (though that is one of my life goals to work back at UWRF). I think I've finally realized that it's ok to have needs when looking for a job and not to just "take what I can get" (though I may get desperate next spring).
On a different note, my friend Anna from my cohort came and visited last weekend and we had a bunch of fun! One of the things we did was go down to the World Trade Center/Ground Zero. My other friends who visited said there wasn't a good place to see anything there and that the construction zone was surrounded by barriers. This was true, but Anna and I found out you could go through the sky-walk of the World Financial Center across the street and we were able to see the whole site really well. I've been keeping track of the project for the past few years, and I knew for a few years progress on the new tower and memorial had been going slowly, but over the past couple years progress was going much quicker. 1 World Trade Center/Freedom Tower has really come a long way and is now at the 72nd floor in steel construction, and is actually visible from the top few floors of the building I work in. The building is cool, but I'm also really interested in the other buildings being built (there will be 4 buildings at the new WTC in total), as well as the memorial. The memorial will open for the first time this year on 9/11 for the 10th anniversary of the attacks, and from the World Financial Center we were able to see the site really well, and while there's still a long way to go in the next few months, it really a sight to see. For those who don't know anything about the memorial, The 2 "footprints" of the site have been turned into giant square waterfalls at ground level with panels around the edges with the names of those who were lost, and underneath the site is a more interactive memorial. There is also a museum being built that features some of the steel from the original towers. View more at http://www.panynj.gov/wtcprogress/index.html
Ever since we visited I've been in a very reflective mood about a lot of things. I'm sure 9/11/01 will be on all of our minds a lot over the next few months as we approach the 10th anniversary and remember those who were lost. I've really been reflecting on how much in my life has changed in ten years, and even in the last five since I first went off to college. This reflection has made me think about a lot of things, but what I come away with most is how grateful I am to be where I am, how thankful I am for every privilege that I've had over my lifetime, and how lucky I am to be where I'm at in my life. The past year and half or so I have frequently struggled with how and why certain things happen, but I'm at a really good place in my life right now, and I'm so incredibily thankful for that.
I've also thought a lot recently about where my life is going, and I think that's where a lot of my uncertainty comes in. I know I'm not supposed to worry about the future, but I'm genuinely concerned about getting a job next year once I graduate (hopefully before). What I need to realize is that what is meant to happen will happen and that life will work itself out. In my more immediate future, I have so many mixed feelings about the upcoming year. On one hand I'm so freaking excited to get started in my position as a RHD and to have a building and a staff. On the other I'm scared out of my friggin mind. I'm strangely excited to get back in the classroom and learn more about my profession, but I'm also nervous for this semester because while for some last semester was the hardest for them and their needs, I think this semester will be the hardest for me as I have classes that deal with law and governance and finance which all make me a little nervous. While I usually thrive under pressure, I am nervous that I'm going to get overwhelmed with my RHD position and classes, and not to mention the added pressure of the MoCPA conference I'm helping to plan, and the EPSA conference at UCM too. Good thing I have awesome people in my cohort to bring me back down to reality and keep my grounded and real this year. I'm sure it will all be ok, right!
I just realized I launched into Residence Life/Student Affairs lingo, so let me explain:
RHD = Residence Hall Director
MoCPA = Missouri College Personnel Association
EPSA = Exploring Your Path in Student Affairs
UCM = University of Central Missouri
UWRF = University of Wisconsin - River Falls
NYU = New York University
Ok that was a really long post about the things that go on in my head so I think I'm done for now. Until next time...
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